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Grief Journaling

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 12 Jul 2022 15:15:36 GMT

If you have lost a loved one, writing in a journal can be one of the most powerful ways to cope and work toward healing. It encourages you to express and explore the myriad of emotions that accompany grief. Rather than avoiding the reality of the death and extending the grieving process, journaling encourages introspection, which is important in accepting loss and creating a sense of peace. You might not even realize what you are feeling until you sit down to write about it.

There are many mental health benefits of journaling, including reducing stress and coping with anxiety or depression. Journaling provides a healthy outlet when emotions feel overwhelming, which can be common while grieving. Practicing gratitude also helps you focus on the positives in life, so writing about what you are grateful for can provide perspective when times might feel shadowed by your grief.

One of the best parts about journaling is that there is no right or wrong way to do it, and you never even have to let anyone see your work. Sometimes the words will flow out of you without much thought and other times you might feel a bit stuck. Below is a list of grief journaling prompts you can use for inspiration whenever you need it.

Make a list of your favorite things you did with your loved one. Make another list of what you wish you would’ve done.
Explain how you are honoring the memory of your loved one in your daily life.
Tell about the people you have in your support system.
Pick a color that represents how you are feeling today and explain why.
Write about the memories of your loved one that seem to be most heavy on your mind.
Make a list of what you are grateful for today.
Retell the last moments you remember being with your loved one.
Write a letter to your loved one about what you have been doing to stay busy lately.
Answer these questions to consider how your grief is impacting your activities:
What is the hardest time of day for you and why?
What is the hardest day of the week for you and why?
During which daily activities do you find yourself in the densest fog of grief?
During which daily activities do you find your mind wandering away from your grief?
What has been your hardest day so far?

The Death Of A Pet

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 16:03:46 GMT

Pets have a special way of providing happiness and comfort, and many people consider them beloved members of their family. If you are facing the loss of a pet, know that it is perfectly acceptable to grieve however you need to. It will likely take time to get used to life without your animal companion. Some people might not understand the value or depth of your relationship with your pet, but there are many, many pet owners who do. Seek out support from others who can relate.

Losing a pet can be especially challenging for children. They become accustomed to feeling unconditional love from what is often one of their closest friends, so the grief they experience is very real. It is important to be honest but also sensitive about the situation. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and give them plenty of time to heal before rushing to bring home a new pet. Reading a book about losing a pet will also help them understand what has happened and reassure them it is OK to be sad.

For children and adults alike, it can be helpful to have some sort of service or memorial, even if that means simply gathering the family together for a few minutes so that each person can choose a photo of the pet to frame. It encourages everyone to remember all of the good times spent with their pet and feel comfort in knowing those memories will always be held close to their hearts.

Grief and the Holidays

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 14 Dec 2021 15:55:26 GMT

If you have lost a loved one, the holiday season can be an especially challenging time of year. While others are experiencing extra joy and excitement, your feelings of sorrow and loneliness might seem magnified. However, there are a few strategies that can help make the holidays a bit more manageable.

Allow Yourself to Feel

Trying to ignore or escape your feelings, even with good intentions of not wanting to put a damper on the holiday cheer, will only extend the grieving process. It is important to verbalize those feelings and talk with others about how you are doing. But there are many other forms of expression that will provide an outlet for the swelling emotions this time of year as well. Maybe you find peace when taking a quiet walk in the forest after a snowfall. Maybe writing about your favorite Christmas memories with your loved one makes you smile. Maybe attending a holiday concert with others who are in the same situation helps you feel less isolated. Find what fits for you.

Take Care of Yourself

We know that grief can take a huge toll on a person—mentally, emotionally, and physically—and the holidays can be taxing even without the added pain of life without your loved one. Be sure you are setting aside extra time this season to focus on your own well-being. Take more breaks and be realistic about your expectations. Participating in the festivities might help create a sense of comfort and hope, but give yourself permission to sit out from a few holiday traditions or celebrations if you feel they will be overwhelming.

Find Ways to Honor Your Loved One

For some, finding ways to include the memory of a loved one in holiday activities makes the experience less sorrowful. Whether it’s listening to their favorite Christmas song or baking the kind of cookies you always made together, those reminders of your loved one might make their presence feel more tangible. You could consider starting a new tradition in their honor, giving you something new to look forward to for the years to come. Seeking out an opportunity to give back to others this time of year is also a very special way to pay tribute to your loved one.

All About Ethical Wills

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 24 Sep 2021 14:48:34 GMT

What Is an Ethical Will

Most people are familiar with a traditional will, which is a legal document explaining the distribution of an estate upon an individual’s death. An ethical will, on the other hand, communicates non-material possessions one would like to pass on, such as wisdom, apologies, advice, principles, stories from the past, and hopes for the future. Sometimes referred to as forever letters or legacy letters, ethical wills have an ancient religious history rooted in the importance of reflecting on one’s life and recording beliefs.

Why Have an Ethical Will

Taking a step back from materialism and pondering what is truly meaningful facilitates a sense of fulfillment and contentedness. An ethical will ensures that loved ones have a permanent record of the values you always worked to instill and that your presence is kept alive for the years to come. Writing can be cathartic for anyone struggling to work through transitional or traumatic events, so legacy writing can also be especially therapeutic for those nearing the end of life.

How to Create an Ethical Will

Ethical wills have no set format, so you can write it however feels natural. Many people prefer to organize their message as a letter, addressing a single note to their loved ones collectively or several separate letters individually. For some, an informal journal approach might be a less intimidating way to get thoughts and feelings documented. If you struggle to come up with the right words, consider including favorite quotes, lyrics, or Bible verses. Don’t limit yourself to writing, either; videos are also a popular option.

Begin by considering what you want future generations to know about you and about the world you live in. What were some of the happiest and the most challenging times in your life? What do you know now that you wish you would’ve known sooner? What do you find to be life’s greatest gifts? Keep in mind that you can create your ethical will at any point, and you can always go back to make changes.

Interested in hearing more about the importance of ethical wills and legacy writing? Check out Scott Zucker’s TEDx Talk, “Why ethical wills are the greatest gifts of love and how to create one.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CFXLQl9aEg

Swedish Death Cleaning and Peaceful Living

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 13:58:11 GMT

If you find yourself eager to organize closets and dust crevices, you might realize it’s that time of year again: spring cleaning. But if you can’t relate to that feeling, there are plenty of books out there to give you guidance and motivation.

Margareta Magnusson’s short text, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter, offers one approach related to the popular values of minimalism and tidiness. The concept of death cleaning comes from the Swedish practice of sifting through possessions and determining what to do with them next, and Magnusson particularly emphasizes passing certain objects on to those who might enjoy them. This process is intentionally done to avoid burdening family or friends with such an overwhelming task after one passes away, although the method is equally beneficial in reducing excess belongings for any particular reason. While an orderly home is certainly a main focus, Magnusson also notes how the process can help one feel more comfortable with the idea of dying.

Swedish death cleaning, or any form of decluttering, might be worth considering if you are on the quest for more joy and less stress. Eliminating the frustration of mess and the burden of too much stuff might allow you to focus more on things like gratitude and living in the moment. Besides those organized closets and dusted crevices, spring cleaning might just lead you to a more peaceful life.

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Magnusson, Margareta. The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter. Scribbner, 2018.

Sympathy Meals 101

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sun, 14 Mar 2021 14:00:13 GMT

Those who have faced a highly stressful time in their lives, such as major surgery, the birth of a baby, or a transition to a new home, know just how helpful and comforting it is to have someone else take care of the cooking. These meals, often referred to as sympathy meals, are also commonly associated with funerals. When someone you know experiences the death of a close loved one, providing home-cooked food is a great way to support them in their time of need. This small action can be a heartwarming blessing to those who are grieving. Here are a few things to consider before you start cooking.

Communication

Let someone in the family know you will be bringing a meal and offer them a couple of dates to choose between. Because food allergies are common, send a little menu that includes a few different options so they can choose what they would prefer.

Quantity

Additional relatives or visitors might be present for the meal, so be sure to provide extra. If you are making a meal that is to be eaten at the time of delivery, you could double the recipe and make the second one freezer-friendly. This is a great way to provide more support later on when life might still feel a bit overwhelming for the family.

Presentation

You might want to consider how you personally would serve the dish and what else might be needed. Adding salad, dinner rolls, dessert, or even a beverage ensures that the family meal is completely taken care of. Use a disposable dish with baking instructions written on it. Throw in paper products, too, because the last thing they will feel like doing is washing dishes. Many people like to include a couple of inexpensive toys for children or a few basic grocery items such as fruit and eggs. These are added extras that might make life just a little bit easier for those dealing with a recent loss.

Delivery

Most likely, the best way to drop off your meal is to let them know when you plan to leave it at the door. However, depending on the person, you should also be prepared to stay and chat if they are wanting to spend time with a friend.

Not a cook? Can’t squeeze in the time? Want to be different?

While a home-cooked meal might be most people’s first thought, there are other ways to provide a bit of cooking relief to those who are going through a difficult time. Including a gift card to a local restaurant that delivers or offers carryout is a great option, particularly if you suspect the family might already be receiving several casseroles in the next few days. There are also many online meal services that can be ordered and have delivered to the family.

Writing An Obituary

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Fri, 05 Mar 2021 15:01:49 GMT

A common assumption is that an obituary is merely a death notice. While that might be the case for newspaper submissions, funeral homes generally include full obituaries on their websites and on memorial folders for no additional cost. Therefore, writing an obituary is also a precious chance to express a loved one’s legacy and share parts of their life story from the very beginning to the very end. If you are looking to create a well-written, meaningful obituary, here are a few pieces of advice that will help guide you through the process.

Consider Organization

Jumping around with facts and descriptions makes it too hard for the reader to follow. Chronological order is almost always going to be your best option for arranging events and accomplishments. You might also want to follow up the timeline approach with a paragraph that emphasizes the nature of this person’s character and what they will be remembered for.

Use Personal Details and Examples

Individuality can be achieved in an obituary by offering specific details rather than a generic overview. Don’t simply list where your loved one lived and worked over the course of their life. Consider what made this person unique. Give an example or offer a quick anecdote to help illustrate descriptions.

Know That It’s OK to Be Funny

Or reserved. Or sarcastic. Or boastful. Or whatever you feel would be fitting for your loved one. The tone and style of the obituary should match the personality of its leading subject.

Have Someone Else Proofread It

Reading and rereading your work is great, but you will also want someone else’s input. You might even want two people to help you out, such as someone else who was close to the one who passed and someone who is more removed from the situation. Besides catching things like minor punctuation and spelling errors, ask them for their overall impressions, too. The funeral provider you are working with can also help ensure the obituary is as good as it can be before you submit it for publication.

Keep Perspective

Writing an obituary is no simple feat. Feeling like you’ve done your best to pay tribute to a loved one is the main goal. Overall, if you are given the important opportunity of writing an obituary for someone you knew and loved, try to remember the essential focus: an obituary is actually about life.

Honoring A Loved One Who Has Passed

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 14:49:27 GMT

Honoring A Loved One Who Has Passed

While many people will be enjoying chocolate treats and dinner at a fancy restaurant this week, Valentine’s Day can also be a particularly challenging time for those who have lost a close loved one. Holidays can be aching reminders of how that special person is no longer here to celebrate with. If you have recently, or even not so recently, experienced the loss of someone near and dear, consider choosing one of these ways to honor their memory in a creative way.

Start a New Tradition

One way to hold on to the presence of your loved one who has passed is to form a new tradition based on their interests. If your husband enjoyed hiking in the mountains as often as he could, start taking the kids to an indoor rock wall once a month for an entire year. If your best friend was a Halloween fanatic, plan an annual costume party in her honor for the neighborhood. If your grandmother was known for her caramel apple pie, vow to bake one each year on her birthday. Establishing this new ritual will provide you with a steady reminder that your loved one’s spirit lives on, and it will give you something to look forward to when needed most.

Try Something Artistic

Create a simple poem, serious or humorous, about a loved one who has passed by using words and phrases cut out from a magazine. Invite guests over and cook them your loved one’s favorite meal. Get together with family to paint your loved one’s favorite saying or Bible verse on a canvas to hang in your house.

Appreciate Life

While grieving the death of a loved one can cause deep sorrow, it is so important to be reminded of life during this difficult time. Ask a friend to join you on an exciting adventure such as going zip lining or taking a weekend road trip. Visit someone you know who recently had a baby. Start a gratitude journal. Plant a garden. Treat yourself to something you’ve always wanted or simply schedule some time for extra self-care.

Give Back

Lastly, what better way to honor the life of a loved one than to do something generous and caring on their behalf. Random Acts of Kindness Day, which falls on February 17, is a perfect opportunity to share the overflowing love you still have for a friend or family member who has passed away.

What to Say in a Sympathy Card?

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 14:39:31 GMT

What to Say in a Sympathy Card...

When someone you know experiences the loss of a loved one, it can leave you without words. At the same time, you want to extend condolences, so you carefully select a beautiful sympathy card to send. When you sit down to sign it, you might worry about saying the wrong thing or start to think nothing you say will matter. It can certainly be a frustrating situation for you at a time when you would rather put your energy toward those who are grieving.

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However, the most important thing is that you say something. We know that grief requires support, and writing a heartfelt message in a sympathy card is a simple way to show you care. If you are stuck and in search of a little guidance, this list offers a few basic options. You can use these suggestions as they are or edit them for a more personal touch.

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To put it bluntly, the journey through grief is awful. It feels good to have others validate this fact and acknowledge your pain—in a real and gritty way.

• Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this impossibly difficult time.

• There are no answers or actions that can remove your heartache, but please know you are not alone. We are thinking of you during this sad time.

• You can cry with me any time.

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Honestly acknowledging that you do not know what to say is completely acceptable, and a genuine approach is often greatly appreciated.

• During times of loss, we realize how limiting words can be. Just know that we are thinking of you.

• Words cannot do justice to the heartache you and your family are experiencing. We are so very sorry for your loss and are thinking of you during this sad time.

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Knowing the positive impact a loved one has had on others can be therapeutic for those left behind.

• Although she will be greatly missed, I know her spirit will continue to shine through those whose lives she has touched.

• The world is a better place because of your mom’s generosity and kind heart. Her legacy lives on.

• Your father was such a wise, caring, and humble person. It was a privilege to have known him.

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It sounds so simple, but it is comforting for the family just to know others care about their loss. Often times, a handful of direct, sincere words can be more effective than going overboard with commiseration.

• Our thoughts are with you.

• Please extend my sympathy to your family and know that we are sending love your way.

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While what you choose to write in a sympathy card might largely depend on the relationship you have with the person you are sending it to, there are a few things you should always avoid saying. Messages that compare sorrow or force the recipient on a specific timeline for healing are unhelpful because everyone will grieve in their own way. Even if you have the best of intentions, it is also not the right time to give advice. Humbly offering genuine words of support, no matter which ones you end up choosing, will show you care, and that is, after all, why you bought the sympathy card in the first place.

Grief Care: How Animals, Art, And Music Can Help

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 14:31:06 GMT

The overwhelming emotions that often accompany loss might leave you feeling helpless. Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt , highly respected author, educator, and grief counselor, says, “I sometimes call the necessary sadness of grief ‘sitting in your wound.’ When you sit in the wound of your grief, you surrender to it . . . You shut the world out for a time so that, eventually, you have created space to let the world back in.” It is important to seek support as needed when you experience the death of a loved one. Besides counselors and other medical professionals who have the knowledge and ability to assist grieving individuals, funeral home staff generally provide many ongoing grief support opportunities. But it can also be helpful to find additional, sensitive ways to confront the feelings of sadness and sorrow caused by loss. There are many complementary and alternative therapies that can be beneficial for those journeying through grief, and listed below are three common options.

Animal-Assisted Therapy

You may have seen a registered therapy dog wearing a vest at a school or hospital before, but they are now becoming a more frequent sight in funeral homes as well. Spending time with animals can actually help improve the moods of those struggling with anxiety, stress, depression, and even grief. Sometimes called pet therapy, animal-assisted activities are a casual, comforting way to bring calmness and joy to individuals who have recently experienced the loss of a loved one.

More information from the Animal Assisted Intervention International website: https://aai-int.org/what-we-do

Art Therapy

A benefit of art therapy is that individuals can uncover and convey emotions through the process of creating. Art often provides a form of escape for people, which might help allow those who are grieving to feel a sense of peace, and it also encourages appreciation and enjoyment when life might otherwise feel overwhelming. While art therapy is a beneficial approach for anyone journeying through grief, it can be particularly useful for children and for those who have limited verbal communication ability.

More information from the American Art Therapy Association website: https://arttherapy.org/about-art-therapy

Music Therapy

Music therapy can help individuals improve overall health and well-being in a variety of ways. A common myth is that only those with musical ability can take part in music therapy; however, no experience is necessary. Participants may be asked to do a variety of music-related activities, such as moving to the rhythm, writing lyrics, or practicing receptive listening, as part of a therapeutic intervention. Similar to art therapy, music therapy helps create an awareness of emotions and offers a way to express feelings, both of which are vital parts of the healing process for those who are grieving.

More information from the American Music Therapy Association website: https://www.musictherapy.org/about/musictherapy

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If you are interested in one of these sources of grief support, talk to your doctor for more information and for a qualified therapist recommendation or program referral.

Visiting Cemeteries

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Thu, 23 May 2019 14:08:00 GMT

Cemeteries have served as a transcendental site to mourn and honor the dead for hundreds of years, and, while seemingly centered around death, they have also always been an integral part of life. The history of cemeteries goes back to basic plots on family homesteads and small graveyards surrounding country churches. The need for more space led to the creation of larger cemeteries, generally on the outskirts of town. Traditionally, cemeteries were an essential and scenic part of every community, often featuring an elaborate entrance gate and stunning sculptures or greenery. Townspeople of the past even used cemeteries as a place to gather in good spirits and enjoy time outdoors.

In recent times, as more people recognize the importance of memorialization in the grieving process and as the desire for alternative burial options increases, cemeteries have evolved. Contemporary memorial parks emphasize the simplistic beauty of nature and of life by utilizing flat stones and including just a few tall monuments to represent hope. More modern options, such as a columbarium or a cremation bench, meet the needs of individuals who wish to be cremated. Some cemeteries have also aimed to better support those who are grieving by designing features like memorial walls, healing paths, and sacred spaces to gather or meditate.

Because burial signifies the finality of death, it can be a key part of the journey through grief for many individuals. Spending time at a gravesite encourages peace in knowing that a loved one is at rest. Besides paying tribute to a person’s life and legacy, permanent memorials can help sustain the feeling of a physical connection with the deceased. They also offer a place for others to remember and honor the decedent far into the future.

With Memorial Day approaching, there are a few etiquette reminders for upholding a respectful cemetery visit:

‍ Don’t

Stand or sit on a headstone or monument unless that is what it was designed for
Litter
Take photos of other people or of a burial occurring
Remove anything from someone else’s gravesite

‍ Do

Follow the posted rules
Keep pets on a leash and clean up after them
Be aware of your volume

Yoga For Grief And Sadness

duda@aftercare.com (Tukios Websites) — Wed, 01 May 2019 14:10:47 GMT

Grief is not something you can plan for or rehearse. The grief process is different for everyone, and it follows no specific timeline. One of the biggest struggles for those journeying through grief is how to recover the normal they once had before losing their loved one. Although the effects of grief vary from person to person, stress is generally a common factor. It can disrupt daily life and lead to physical ailments such as headaches, irritability, and exhaustion.

Many people turn to mindful exercise for minimizing grief-related stress. Yoga is a great option to consider because it promotes serenity and introduces coping mechanisms for those who have just suffered a loss. Accumulating stressors caused by grief can physically manifest in a variety of ways, and some of them, such as holding your breath or clenching your teeth, might even go unnoticed. These seemingly minor symptoms can have a negative impact on the body. Whether you choose to join a class or purchase an instructional video, yoga helps relieve tension in a healthy way. The breathing exercises, movement, and meditation associated with yoga facilitate a sense of peace as you wade through grief.

In addition to developing healthy habits to help manage the stress of grief, it is important to seek additional support as needed.

If you are interested in giving yoga a try, check out these great YouTube videos that were specifically developed for those who are grieving.

In “ Healing Yoga - Season 1 - Episode 12 – Grief ,” Deborah Devine encourages those who are grieving, regardless of age or fitness level, to use yoga as a way to manage the symptoms and encourage mindfulness.

In “ Yoga for grief and sadness // Yoga with Dionne // 20 minute practice ,” Dionne Elizabeth leads a gentle, calm series of yoga poses to create openness on the journey through grief.